


Strong.

by k0904wa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Comforting Sam Winchester, Dead Lucifer (Supernatural), Depressed Gabriel (Supernatural), Depression, Engaged Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Family Member Death, Five Stages of Grief, Gabriel Loves Sam Winchester, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Sam Winchester Loves Gabriel, Suicide, Understanding Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 03:10:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18086351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k0904wa/pseuds/k0904wa
Summary: After Gabriel’s older brother, Lucifer, commits suicide, Gabriel is left mourning. Good thing his fiancé, Sam Winchester, is here to help him through the five stages of grief, though.





	Strong.

Gabriel remembered it clearly. He remembered how he told his older brother, Lucifer, to fuck off when the man came to ask Gabriel for help. He came and asked Gabriel for help with a favor and Gabriel refused without even hearing him out. ‘You’re just using me for some bullshit. Fuck off, won’t you?’ He had shouted. He remembered the hurt expression Lucifer held on his face, the shocked and broken eyes that burned deep into him when the wirds were spilt from his mouth. If only he had just listened. If only if he had just fucking listened. Gabriel also remembered how his heart dropped to his stomach and shattered to a million pieces when he found his older brother, in the apartment he was staying at not too far from his and Sam’s home, hanging lifelessly from the ceiling. The rough rope was tight around his neck and his skin was dangerously pale, eyes blank and empty, staring at nothing. His body was just hanging there, not moving an inch, eyes not moving an inch, eyes not blinking once. He remembered scrambling over to his brother’s dead body, screaming at him to wake up as he took him off the disgusting rope. He immediately entered the grieving stages. 

 

_**Stage one: Denial.** _

_**Day of Lucifer’s suicide.** _

 

He had checked for his brother’s pulse, crying and screaming for him to wake up, shouting for him to stop pranking him. He yelled at his brother’s body, telling him that he knew it was a stupid joke, that he knew it wasn’t real. Even as he called the ambulance, he kept repeating the same sentence. ‘Stop joking around, Lucifer! Please! Just blink! Blink and smile at me! Laugh at how hard I fell for your fucking prank. Just fucking blink!’

 

Lucifer didn’t move an inch.

 

_**Stage two: Anger.** _

_**Two weeks after Lucifer’ suicide.** _

 

Now here he was, curled up in his fiancé’s arms, crying violently as he squeezed the necklace. The necklace that held his older brother’s ashes. ”It’s not fucking fair!” Gabriel screams, shaking like crazy in Sam’s arms.

“I know it’s not baby, just relax and let it all out,” Sam whispers in Gabriel’s ear, jumping slightly when Gabriel screeches in fury.

“No! You don’t know! This is all bullshit! This just had to happen to us, didn’t it? It just had to happen to Lucifer?! What is this, some kind of karma?! Lucifer didn’t deserve this! My family doesn’t deserve this!” Gabriel was pounding his hands on the couch in pure rage, eyes full of tears, but ferociously hostile as well.

“Gabriel, love, calm down, shhh...”

“I’m not gonna calm down! I’m fucking upset! My older brother just fucking killed himself not even two weeks ago, and you’re going to tell me to calm down?! Are you fucking serious, Sam?!” Gabriel looks up at Sam, eyes wide with betrayal.

Sam frowns and quickly shakes his head, “Oh baby, of course I’m not trying to be rude or hurtful, I just- you’re getting too violent and angry, my love.”

And Gabriel suddenly snaps, launching himself off of Sam and throwing his glass cup of water on the floor, allowing it to shatter in pieces. “How dare you! I wouldn’t say that if it was your brother! I don’t fucking deserve this! My family doesn’t- Lucifer! Oh god, Lucifer doesn’t deserve this! N-Not at all! This is--”

“Gabriel! Please! Come here?” Sam shrieks, holding his hands out to Gabriel, who stares at them angrily, tears streaming down his face faster than two waterfalls.

“No! Nonono! I- you- I can’t! I can’t- I can’t!” Gabriel babbles helplessly, his sobs causing his entire body to shake with every breath. His fists were clenched tight, a sign of blatant unhappiness.

“Gabriel.”

“No!” Gabriel screams, stomping his foot and digging his fingers in his hair, pulling at it. “No! Not now! Not now! He was gonna- he was gonna be there! At our wedding- he was gonna be there! And now- he’s- n-now he’s-” 

“Come here baby.. come to me. I’ll take care of you baby.. please?” Sam’s tone is soft, a light breath escaping his mouth when Gabriel finally obeys, straddling the taller man and starting to bawl gently into his shoulder. Sam runs his fingers through Gabriel’s hair, his heart aching.

He hated this.

They hated this. So much.

 

_**Stage three: Bargaining.** _

_**Two months after Lucifer’s suicide.** _

 

“Please, just bring him back, please,” Gabriel whispers, wiping his face as he rocks back and forth on the bathroom floor.

“Gabriel? Can you please let me in?” Sam’s voice begs from outside the locked door. Gabriel squeezes his eyes shut, breathing heavily.

“God, please, just please bring him back. Please just let me see his smile once more, let me hear his laugh, let me hear him call me stupid, let me feel his hug, let me--” 

“I’ll be here,” Sam whispers, and Gabriel can hear him sitting down in front of the bathroom door. He weeps and runs a hand through his hair tiredly.

“Someone, something, please bring him back. At least let me change the way I said goodbye. At least let me change my last words to him. M-My last words, please god, please something. S-Some- someone. Someone bring him back please,” Gabriel prays. He rubs his face roughly, biting his lip when he hears Sam shift on the other side of the door. Silent whispers are heard from Sam’s side and Gabriel furrows his eyebrows, leaning in to listen closely. His heart practically split in two when he heard loud and clear what the whispering was. It was Sam. He was praying for Lucifer to come back with Gabriel. “S-Sam,” Gabriel whimpers, quickly unlocking the bathroom door and swinging it open. Sam swiftly locks Gabriel in a toght embrace, kissing him sweetly and comfortingly. He rocks them back and forth and Gabriel begins to once again cry into Sam’s chest.

Whispering sweet nothings, Sam curls a lock of Gabriel’s hair in between his fingers. “It’s gonna be okay, I’m here. I have you. I‘ve got you, I promise. I’m here with you, I love you,” Sam vows as he rocks them slowly.

Gabriel, in that moment, felt perfectly safe and protected from any harm or danger.

 

_**Stage four: Depression.** _

_**Four months after Lucifer’s suicide.** _

 

”Oh baby..” Sam crawls over his fiancé, who was just laying down on their shared bed, staring at nothing in particular. Gabriel immediately squeezes his eyes shut, trying to hold back the forming tears in his eyes. His fiancé’s voice makes his heart flutter, his fiancé’s touch, kiss, hug, etc. That’s all he wanted right now. That’s all he needed.

“Love on me, Sam.”

“Come here,” Sam mumbles, pulling Gabriel as close to him as humanly possible before connecting their lips lovingly, running his hands all over Gabriel’s body. Every patch of skin on Gabriel’s waist and up was lovingly kissed and rubbed on by Sam, somehow making Gabriel feel a little bit better. It had been 4 months since Lucifer’s suicide, Gabriel was still coping with his big brother’s death. But he couldn’t help the small moans and hums that slipped from his mouth as Sam lovingly touched him, whispering on about how much he loves Gabriel and how strong he saw Gabriel was. And for the first time in four months, Gabriel smiles. No, he doesn’t just smile, he beams. His arms wrap around Sam’s neck as they start getting intimate, both of them melting into each other’s touch. 

“I love you so much,” Gabriel moans, tears welling up in his eyes. Sam hums and wipes the tears away, smiling softly as Gabriel grins sweetly up at him. 

“I love you more,” Sam whispers, allowing his small fiancé to sink deeper into his arms.

It would be okay.

It would take some time for Gabriel to be okay, though.

 

_**Stage five: Acceptance.** _

_**One year after Lucifer’s suicide.** _

 

“Sam?” Gabriel mumbles, looking up at his soon-to-be husband and combing his fingers through the man’s long hair. Sam hums in response and Gabriel scoots closer to him under their blankets. “I miss him.”

Sam smiles sadly and pulls Gabriel closer on their bed, pausing the show they were watching on their laptop. “I know Gabe. I miss him, too. He was a good friend.”

“But you know something?”

“What?”

“He was suffocating himself,” Gabriel informs. Sam’s face turns into one of shock, taken aback by Gabriel’s statement.

He raises an eyebrow, “What?”

“He was so unhappy. He put on a smile for me and you. He put on a smile for any camera that was on him, anyone in our family who was hurting, he’d act okay so they’d be okay. Problem was, we never did the same with him. He was unhappy, but he didn’t want to tell us he was. We didn’t see it, and he knew that.. I wish I could’ve seen it,” Gabriel explains. Sam hugs him tight and huffs out a shaky breath.

“Baby you had no idea he was unhappy. Don’t blame yourself.”

“I’m not blaming myself. But he was depressed. He was so depressed and he was suffocating himself with sadness, without calling out a cry for help. And when he did, I told him to fuck off. What kind of _brother_ does that?” Gabriel’s voice cracks slightly.

Sam shakes his head, “You didn’t know he was asking you to save him! You thought he was going to ask you for a selfish favor, like you’re used to from all of your other older brothers. You had _no_ _idea_ , do _not_ blame yourself, please.”

“I accept that he’s gone, Sam.”

“Yeah?” Sam sends a sympathy filled smile to his fiancé, kissing him lightly. Gabriel hums and nods.

“Yeah. He’s not suffering anymore, which is good. I wish I could’ve done something, but I’m happy that he isn’t in pain anymore,” Gabriel sighs and rubs his face with Sam’s shirt, snuggling closer to his man.

“You are _so_ strong.”

 

_** 2 years after Lucifer’s suicide. ** _

 

Gabriel picks up the baby golden retriever and gasps, hugging her tightly and squealing. “She’s perfect, Samalove! She’s perfect!”

“So you want her then?” Sam questions, smiling down at his husband and the small pup. 

“Yesyesyes! Definitely! She’s perfect to start our own little family, babe!” Gabriel’s grin was huge, making Sam examine him adoringly before kissing him and turning towards the woman at the front desk.

“We’ll take this one,” He tells her politely, smiling when the lady grins and nods, scribbling down onto her clipboard.

“Perfect! She’s a sweetheart! One of my personal favorites here at the shelter. Would you like her to have her own name tag?“ The lady, whose name was Jo, asks. Sam nods and squeezes Gabriel’s hand, petting the small pup lovingly. “What will her name be then?”

Sam turns to Gabriel and grins widely, “Lucy.”

Gabriel’s eyes widen and Sam’s choice, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. The lady nods and walks away quickly, leaving Gabriel and Sam alone with their new puppy. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” Gabriel sniffles, wiping away his emotion filled tears.

“As you are, to me.”

And it was true. No matter what they went through, Sam and Gabriel were there for each other.

Because they’re just that strong.

**Author's Note:**

> suicide is NOT an option! if you ever feel like you want to kill yourself, please, call:  
> 1-800-273-8255  
> you are special and loved! <3


End file.
